– So any interesting New Year's resolutions?
– Too many to mention. I have devised resolutions to enhance every aspect of my life. As a consequence, I will be transformed into a new man in 2014.
– Really? In what way?
– In every way. You will not recognise me by next December. I guarantee you will not believe your eyes. Or ears. Or anything.
– So can you give me an example...?
– Of?
– Of anything?
– It's difficult to know where to start.
– Well, are there any to do with self-improvement in any way? Or a healthier lifestyle? Or becoming less of a burden to society?
– Yes. All of those.
– Excellent. It's good to take this opportunity to iron out the wrinkles in your life and reach your true potential.
– Yes. That was the plan.
– Have you – sorry if this sounds unsupportive – actually made any resolutions at all?
– Of course not. Life is too short. You will have to accept me the way I am. This is as good as it gets.
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