Tube

– It is sobering when you come to realise that some careers are not for you.
– Indeed. But I would have thought that this must be quite a common occurrence.
– You mean I'm unsuited to a wide range of careers?
– We all have our unique skills. Which usually means we're useless at everything else. So what is today's failure?
– Repairing the bicycle. In fact, not even a proper repair, but just changing tyres and inner tubes.
– I suppose it is a fiddly business.
– You would have thought they would be able to design a bicycle tyre that doesn't take hours to remove and put back on again.
– I think they've invented that already. People who know about these things can probably do it in a couple of minutes.
– Whereas it takes me all evening, struggling to get everything back together again without puncturing the new inner tube. And as for the back wheel, with the chain wrapping itself around you, it's just a nightmare.
– Did you particularly want a career as a bicycle mechanic? Think of all the oil and grease. And the little nuts and bolts and valve caps which go missing the moment you put them down. And the faff of having to repair punctures. It's a hard life.
– You've persuaded me.
– Did you need much persuading?
– No. Not much.

Formula

– You realise, I suppose, that it must be all of three years by now?
– Of course... Three years of what?
– Of your writing this blog.
– Is it? Are you sure? It somehow seems – longer...
– And yet, you could say the years have flown by. Who would have thought we would still be here, three years and three hundred and thirty-odd posts later?
– Indeed... Do you think they get a bit – samey?
– Well, there are certain recurring themes...
– Of course.
– Which recur quite often.
– Do they?
– But that's not necessarily a problem. After all, once you've hit on a winning formula...
– Do you think it's a winning formula?
– I suppose that's really something for your readers to answer.
– I'm not entirely sure I have any readers.
– Well, I think you've got your answer.

Gown

I am worn out: more so than usual, which is saying something. It has been a busy couple of days, attending my son's graduation ceremony at Cambridge, which involved a lot of getting dressed up (which is never easy), eating and drinking (which is a little more welcome) and standing around in the sunshine (alright up to a point, and then just about tolerable when combined with the eating and drinking). And it is not often that my knowledge of Latin comes in useful.

There is a complex mix of emotions. It is poignant to see your offspring get to the end of their university career and prepare to step out into the real world (ignoring the bits of the real world they have already stepped into). You remember – hazily – your own university years, the hopes and dreams you had built up, your enthusiasm for carving out an exciting career, and wonder where it all went wrong. You note, in these troubled times of migrants risking their lives to reach this country, only to be blamed for all society's ills once they arrive here, that your own parents were migrants who managed through hard work to build a life for themselves here, and whose grandchildren have now succeeded in scaling the heights of the English education system. And in particular, the sense of relief, tinged with a little sadness, that after six years you will no longer have to drive back and forth to one university or another at the end of each term to drag your sons and all their belongings back home. Or at least not until your daughter heads off to university in a couple of years' time.

Charter

– It is the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta. And the 200th anniversary of Waterloo. These are momentous events in the history of these isles.
– They're about the only bits of history that I can remember. To tell the truth, I couldn't tell you a great deal about Waterloo. And if Magna Carta didn't involve Robin Hood I may have got the wrong end of the stick about that, too.
– But these are the events that have shaped our modern society: on the one hand, establishing the foundations of democracy and the rights of the common man, and, on the other, preventing Europe being overrun by the French. It is difficult to say which was the more important.
– I was never very good at history at school.
– Clearly.
– I think it is because it is so full of facts: names, dates, battles, treaties, and the like. Whereas I wonder whether my intellect is more attuned towards comprehending abstract ideas and generalised concepts.
– Such as?
– Well, lots of things. Just as long as they don't involve dates or battles.

 

Bright

– There's been a lot of daylight recently.
– No more than is normal for this time of year, I should think.
– Perhaps it's just because the weather has been dull over the last few months, and then has suddenly turned spring-like, if not early-summer-like, this last week or so.
– Perhaps.
– Especially first thing in the morning. I seem to get woken up at all hours by blinding sunlight beaming in through the bedroom window.
– Try drawing the curtain.
– You don't seem very sympathetic.
– Whatever.
– And you can't get any sleep at night because of the soaring temperatures. And if you leave the window open you get plagued by flying insects. And during the day you get smothered in pollen and end up a heap of uncontrollable sneezing.
– You don't appear to enjoy this time of year particularly.
– I quite like getting out to the garden now and again. Though admittedly it's a pain to have to keep mowing the grass. Which doesn't help the hay fever.
– You could just try hibernating till summer is over.
– Isn't that something you do over winter?
– I thought you could try it all year long.

Laundry

– You know, you begin to suspect there is some truth behind the rumours.
– Rumours? Which rumours?
– This FIFA business. Widespread corruption – bribery – money laundering. Who'd have thought it?
– Yes, it's hard to believe.
– And that Mr Blatter. Seemed such a jolly old chap.
– Yes...
– Of course, it may all blow over – or turn out to be a simple misunderstanding.
– Indeed. These things sometimes have a perfectly rational explanation. Who hasn't misplaced the odd million from time to time?
– Precisely. And anyway, what's all the fuss about hosting a World Cup finals in Qatar in the summer?
– I should think you're guaranteed some sunny weather, if nothing else.

Album

I was putting together, last weekend, an album of photographs for my son's impending birthday, featuring snapshots from when he was a small baby (which was a long time ago) to the present day (which is fairly recent). I don't know if he will appreciate it. Perhaps it will be a source of embarrassment, or even possibly reignite long-suppressed painful memories. Clearly, as a birthday present, neither outcome is desirable, particularly the latter, so it is to be hoped that he will get something positive out of it.

Rarely do we get the chance to take a moment out of our hectic lives to reflect on the years that have slipped by and revisit the significant moments of our youth. I suspect these photographs will not be much help, but may be of some passing interest to demonstrate how much, or indeed how little, his wardrobe has changed over the years. Perhaps for me the process of assembling the album was more therapeutic: sorting through hundreds of old photos, deciding which ones best captured whatever it was I was trying to capture, and working out how to stick them into the album without getting glue everywhere. There is much to be said for actually printing off photographs now and again rather than leaving them as digital files on some device or other, and actually going to the trouble of putting them in an album or hanging them on the wall. Or possibly even printing them on a mug or mouse mat or 10,000 piece jigsaw to give to your friends and relations as thoughtful gifts.