Messiah

December already. December. Already.

Not sure where this year has gone. Is it four months since I last posted? What was I doing all that time? I went on holiday. For a week. In August. So other things must have happened too.

There has been a cloud hanging over the last four months. A cloud? Or a rainbow? I no longer know. I applied for a new job; was interviewed; was offered the job; accepted it, just about; was racked with doubt; resigned from my current job, just about; and here I am, in this disconcerting limbo of waiting for something to happen, waiting for the next wave of panic or the opening of the floodgates of relief.

Never an easy decision to make; not for me, at any rate. Comes down to choosing  between a more exciting, more rewarding new job versus comparative safety and security, tinged with dullness. Not an easy decision for someone as risk averse as I.

I want to get this out of the way, out of my head, so that I can focus on the rest of my life. On Christmas, at any rate, for the next few weeks. And then, everything else. The rest of my life.

I was listening to the Messiah in the car: one of my traditional ways to get into a Christmassy mood (along with listening to the whole cycle of Sibelius symphonies). It has worked its way under my skin. Took a long time to do so (I had sung it through with the choir without managing to really see the point of it), but now it seems so perfect. In a world where so little is.